I am so incredibly sad and depressed today. I just found out that my home in Miami has been officially listed for sale. I knew it was coming, but to see it in black and white on the Keyes real estate page really hit me.
I grew up in that house. My Dad built it in 1968 (I was 3). My sister's wedding reception was there. My Grandma died in that home. My Dad died there, too. Sam grew up there. It was Aidan's first home. I learned to ride a bike in the driveway, banged tennis balls off the garage door, played softball and football in the backyard, shot hoops in the front. I roller skated up and down the street, in the driveway and even through the house. That house has seen bad times, but oh, so many good times! The thought of another family living in it makes my heart break. Right now, I'd rather see it demolished by a hurricane than have strangers live in it. I know. That's bad. But right now, it's how I feel.
See, technically the house is my Mom's. She never put it in my name because she never trusted my ex.
Good move on her part! But my Dad, not quite from his deathbed, but almost...told me one night that that house was mine and the house in Okeechobee was my sister's. My Mom is selling it since I've moved to PA. My oldest son still lives there and it is killing him. I know exactly how he feels...scared, mad, sad, angry. I would feel that same way anytime my parent's talked about selling it when I was growing up. I have told Sam that he will NEVER be homeless, that he has many options and not to sweat it right now. The house won't sell immediately, that's for sure. But he is in a bad place and there's nothing I can do to help him feel any better. I feel like shit, too.
It's my home. Always has been. And soon enough, it'll be gone. I don't think I can handle that right now. Even as I type this, the tears are running down my face and I have a huge lump in my throat. My home... My home... I just can't imagine not being able to walk through those doors again.
And all my pets are buried in the backyard! And the wonderful trees I planted...the rainbow eucalyptus, the guava...
Oh, I have got to pull myself together before I pick Aidan up from school.
God, I hate this. I really, really do...