My 4 year old started pre-K last month. Everything was going ok...he never complained about going and enjoyed it. He only goes from 9:00am to 12:00pm, 3 hours. I take him and pick him up on Mondays, my Mom does it Tues.-Thurs., and my husband does it on Fridays.
A few weeks ago, he got sick and missed a whole week and 2 days of the next week. Since then, he does not want to go back. My Mom can't handle it and lets him stay home. I took him yesterday and ended up having to stay with him for 1 1/2 hours before he would let me leave. This morning, he pitched one and my Mom again let him stay home. His teachers have no idea what the problem is. All he says is that he hates school and he won't go back. Now, when I was with him yesterday, all the kids came up to him and talked to him. They played with him (and me!). He sat at his desk and did his work - no problem. He was fine when I picked him up.
I just don't get it. My Mom is 78 and just can't physically fight with him. I understand that. The whole situation is really stressing her out. I don't know what to do! We have all tried talking to him, making deals with him, bribing him, threatening him...nothing works. I can't be late to work everyday just to take him to school. I can't.
Pre-K isn't mandatory. Should I withdraw him or what??? Any advice???
I need help!
14 comments:
I'm so sorry you all are going through this. The only thing I can think of is a reward system for when he goes. I do this with Elizabeth and her handwriting. If everything comes back at the end of the week looking good and her OT at school sends a good note home then she can buy a webkin or some other silly thing that has caught her eye.
I am SO not the one to be advising on anything to do with children, but has that ever stopped me...?
We had a similar situation with my son and I just let him stay home. It worked for us, but every kid is different - every situation is different. Do what works for you and yours.
For what it's worth, coming from someone who firmly believes the DoE should be abolished... and would chew off her right arm before sending a child to a public school... 8-}
My first thought is, he's not ready. Many studies have shown that, even if you do send them to PS, it's better to do it later. Like when they're around 8 or so. If this resonates at all with you, check out the book Better Late Than Early by Raymond Moore. There's a good review/synopsis posted on Amazon.
Dani - I've tried rewards. We were going to look for Halloween costumes tonight if he went to school with no problems today. He is so stubborn and doesn't seem to care!
Beckie and SophieMae - Oh how I wish I could keep him out of public schools forever, but unfortunately my husband doesn't make enough money for me to stay home :( It would help if he would just tell me WHY he doesn't want to go, but he doesn't. If worse comes to worse, he can sit out the rest of the year. I never really cared that much if he went to pre-k or not. I thought it would be nice to give my mom a 3 hour break each day and my husband really pushed for it. But I am really debating whether the stress it is causing us all is worth it?
Do I let him get his way or keep trying? I think it will have to end up being a fmaily decision since the responsibility of taking him to school is shared by 3-4 of us. Tomorrow I was going to have my oldest son take him. Sam doesn't take any BS and has no patience, so it could be interesting to see what happens...
I appreciate the advice! Keep it coming!!
I started my youngest in kindergarten when he was 5. He cried and begged and sobbed every single morning and after 2 solid months I pulled him back out again. My mother said she thought he was too young and wasn't ready. I started him again the next year at 6 and the change was amazing. He would still ask to stay home but didn't cry or beg when I told him no. He did great and had a good year. This year he still doesn't like to go but once he's there he's fine.
I think Aiden's just too young yet and once he's a little older he'll do much better. If you don't have to send him I wouldn't - he may just need another year and then he'll do fine.
Thanks, Ann. I have a feeling we may just pull him if he doesn't snap out of it this week. I just don't understand because he was really liking it up until he got sick and had to stay home. I wish I could read his little mind and find out what the deal is!
My oldest didn't go to pre-k or daycare or anything like that. he started when he was 5 going to kindergarten and had no problems whatsoever. Kids are all different and maybe Aidan just can't handle it right now.
We still have this problem with my son - who is in FOURTH GRADE now!
Anytime there's a big break, like spring break or christmas break or summer, he HATES going to school again. If your boy was out for a week and a couple of days - that qualifies as a big break. The first couple of weeks after a break like that can be very bumpy, but eventually he may settle back down and get to where he's enjoying himself again. That's how it always works with my son and that may be what's going on with yours since he was enjoying himself prior to this.
But being home might have also reminded him that he LIKES being a little kid with no one expecting anything from him. He might not be ready for real, or he may be playing you because he knows you are feeling ambivalent.
Only you can figure this one out because you know your son. Good luck!
Wish I had sage words of wisdom to offer, but I'm afraid this is a bit outside my realm of expertise...Sounds like you're getting some good advice from those who've been through it...
I echo what everyone else has said about doing what is best for your child. Don't let the teachers or other parents influence you to do something you do not feel is the right thing. What does your gut tell you? Make the decision and then, don't second guess yourself six months from now. As moms, we need to learn to be content with ourselves and realize that we make the best decision with what we know at the time. My seventeen year old senior in High School still calls me to see if he can leave school because he is tired, he hates his teachers, he could be mowing the yard -he's a creative thinker that one). When he was little, I told the school nurse, do not call me unless he is turning blue. What a meanie I am! I am confident that you will make the best decision for your son.
I too, would trust my gut feeling.
However, since you asked... :) this is the first statement that stood out for me:
"My 4 year old started pre-K last month. Everything was going ok...he never complained about going and enjoyed it."
So he's going along, having a good time, and then he gets sick.
And in the process of being sick, he gets what....?
Attention. :)
from Grandma!
He gets to stay home and watch tv or videos or, whatever Grandma dolls out.
NOT that there's anything wrong with that at all, that's why Grandmas are so beloved!
But if you had a choice between school or a day with Grandma, which would you choose? :)
If everything was fine before this happened, I bet he just enjoyed not going to school, he fell out of the routine, so to speak and founds something he likes better.
It might not be a pattern you want him to get into!
Of course, YOU know your kiddo best, there may be other things here that come in to play, of course. Just my 2 cents!
p.s. I'd try a reward system, such as Dani suggested, too. It might help him adjust to goign back and make the easement back into school a fun thing, rather than something he "has" to do.
OMGosh, this happened to me and BELIEVE IT OR NOT it's a manipulation ploy. He's playing you and you're giving in.
If you know he's safe and you trust where he is you need to be firm when you drop him off. Even if it needs to be you dropping him off all week to make your point.
TRUST ME, if you do it a few times and ask the teacher, he will stop crying as soon as you leave. If he doesn't, I'm a monkey's uncle!
Good luck...
Seems like you have a lot on your plate, but I wanted to invite you to Fun Monday. I promise, this one will be fun!
Please keep us posted on the progress.
If you can afford for him to stay at home, I think he should and then you can try again the next time round
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